Day One...

Lets start from walking... 

    We walked all the way to Wal-Mart (Wally World) so my brother can cash out his check from the school. He got a refund from his prom ticket. He paid for this girl he was going to ask to prom but the chick wanted to go out with a different guy and the guy dump her after a few weeks later Haha. I mean my brother isn't such a bad guy when it comes to love and shit and gets all shy and what not but he just has a bad temper. Every time he gets mad i just want to stab him....*cracks knuckle....then deep breathe*  I'm sorry I really shouldn't be feeling that way.. In due time you will see why i feel this way to my own brother. I mean no harm I can't hurt a fly i swear. I'm just all talk no action. Anywho...

  As i was saying, We were in Wally World at the customer service. They couldn't cash it out. A friend of mine tells me they don't accept person check...   fr...uck. And the check doesn't even have the correct spelling of my last name and I went to that school. How the hell do you fuck up on a check.. You could have looked it up you stupid dipshit. [ Sorry, I have a lot of angry issues right now...] Anyways, seeing that day was sunday...all the banks were closed so we couldn't do anything with the check. So, we ended up going to McDonalds or i like to referred them as McNasty *big smile*. It got so busy while we were sitting there. Then Jonah, Erika and Robert (Erika's Husband) 

Off Note: I'm listening to Mudvayne - Happy?

What the hell why does Bullet for My Valentine sound so different when they are trying to be mellow..It's not a bad sound. Songs called Bittersweet Memories  

Okay, so Jonah was nice to give me money to feed myself, my brother and cousin.Only used about six bucks. I'm trying not to eat unhealthy food but its so hard *very sad face* It's only hard because i work there.... yep..yeah.. Seriously, I was in the best shape of my life and then.... i started to work there... Then my life slowly when to doom.. and it even went deeper that i got a boyfriend..

Umm..*chuckles* Where was i? So McNasty got rid of Big'N'Tasty (All of customer either did it on purpose and said Big and nasty just trying to be funny or said it on accident). Either way, I just didn't care... I swear i have a sense of humor i just really don't like stupidity as much. It's mostly sexually humor... At work, I'm not all innocent when i'm around...

OMG, I JUST FOUND I HAVE SD DRIVE IN MY LAPTOP AND THIS LAPTOP IS LIKE OLD LIKE GATEWAY OLD!!!!!*really big smile* YESSSS I CAN PUT SONG ON MY PHONE WITHOUT GOING DOWNSTAIRS!!! 

I may not be a blonde but i can sure act like ditsy and i get distracted very easily. As you can see...

*After the excitement of discovery unknowned technology advancement of her laptop and then she hear noises downstairs*  My brother left his damn friends downstairs.*leaves*

*Big sigh*

I need to finish this story before i go to work...

After we ate, we started to walk home. I wanted to walk but the kids wanted to be picked up. So, I called my dad to pick up us. We stayed in front of subway. I tried to do the splits without touch grass only the cement. Then we started to see who can go farther. After my brother went, there were kids inside Subway that were laughing at us. I ignored them but Aj took it out of portion because he was mad they were laughing. So he laughed back but didn't make any threats to them. I tell aj,"Calm down ignore them." We walk towards Stater Bro. And their older cousin. He could have been my age or younger, but the way he was acting it seemed like he was 18 years old. The first thing i say to the kid was i'm apologize for my brother action he just got upset (for some reason i can't type this part i just wish so much thing that i could have said but i just wanted him to go away. It would have be an unnecessary fight near me. It pops in my mind like a million times and i was wishing i could said that or that or that... you know what i mean  I don't know.)

Okay well,

he:  well my cousins are like 7 years old they don't know any better

(I could have said well if they don't know any better you could be a real role model and told them hey that's not nice don't laugh)

Me: I know they are young i'm just apologizing for what my brother did. He's just upset and you are too I just don't anything to happen its not worth it blah blah blah

He walks away and says this is smash.

Oh in my head smashed seemed like the word that made me trigger 

Me: Don't walk away from me (im like WTF does smash means in this contents seriously)

Kid: I said this is smash

(i'm so mad at myself for saying this because when i am mad i said a lot of stupid shit like when your are drunk and  you do a lot of stupid shit yea that was me but only saying crap out of my mouth)

Me: What the fuck does smash i really don't understand your logo....

I couldn't BELIEVE i said LOGO out all the things that came out of my head i said LOGO wHYYYYYY meeeeeee i honestly meant to say was slang.. LOGO wtf LOGO...... i swear i really need to go back to english or start reading alot of books or something.

As i was getting inside the car i shoved the car seat to the side and accidental hitting my cousin which makes me feel really bad. I still feel bad about it. *sad face*

  The day gets worst.... i tell me dad about what happened and he completely tells me something completely irrelevant to the situation of the problem. He talks to me about school. I'm like in my head this isn't the right time to talk to me about that. I'm mad as it is.

 I walked out of the house and called my boyfriend he wasn't picking up so i just called my sister. Her boyfriend answers and im crying as i'm talking to him... May i speak to my sister, neil? I tried to tell her everything but i'm crying way too much for her to understand me. 

I just feel like a big ball of emotions. I don't know if i'm going on my period again or my mother claims i need to go on depression pills. I mean i agree with her but my boyfriend will not let me take it because he had bad experience with his family members being off of the pill. Like trying to kill someone. Kind of stuff. 

Honestly, I feel tried like there is nothing in me that can go further. I question myself everyday that What do i want to do in life? the biggest question in life. I hate persuaders that try to make you do this. I don't want to listen I'm tired of being a good girl to almost everyone. I just want to be free with no worries. I think that's the only reason i played World of Warcraft so much just to get away from this world because its filled with many things  that is... evil. I mean there are other things in life that are great but when will it be a utopia. Almost never. Too many people with way too many different thoughts. We all can't think the same thing it will always be different...

Almost time to go to work. My first day of this life...